I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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