are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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