i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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