So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
