I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
