you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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