After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
