And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
