So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
