u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
