sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
