Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
