I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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