i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
