okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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