A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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