# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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