I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
