I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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