eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
