wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
