you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
