okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
