the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
