oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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