I murdered the dance floor call the cops
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Vodka?
Forever.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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