Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
