I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
