I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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