Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
