Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
