I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i have two assholes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
