Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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