I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
