Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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