Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
