What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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