every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
