Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
