im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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