Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize