3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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