party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
