We're facebook friends in real life
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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