Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Life is so much better after having sex.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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