remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
