I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
