It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
