Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
