I want to walk on stilts...naked
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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