Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't notice because vodka
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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