Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
