Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
