"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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