I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
