dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
