it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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