My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
