Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
