Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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