She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
