How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
