Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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