some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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