The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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