How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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