Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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