tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
