Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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