ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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