your thong is hanging out like whoa
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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