Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
