My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
